My Little Pony: Magic Is Fiendish

Into the Swamp

...and into the Swamp ...and into the Swamp ...and into the Sultry Swamp

24 July 2021
Significant Milestone Achieved!

Two ferrets scamper up to Joneigh and the brown one hands her a teeny tiny note, she thanks him. [The periapts have to stay here, so the princesses don’t know.] Some of the goats and monkeys are following Joneigh around, some have gone to the basement and are wailing because the sacred wine is all gone. Jimmy leaves a book on the shrine and Autumn goes to look at the book’s title: The Laws and Customs of the Township of Brindlebury.

Autumn asks why he is giving her that? He figures she needs something new to read after all this time cooped up.

Aura only discovers random temple things in the other rooms off the main one, no loot. As they start to leave, the monkeys and the goats continue to follow Joneigh. Autumn warns her the goats and monkeys are likely going to keep following Joneigh unless Joneigh gives them a mission. So, Joneigh lands and turns to tell them that they need to go be accountable for their own actions. They look dejected, turn, and go back into the temple to be grown-ups.

As the ponies go back to the car, Autumn tries to send a message through the snow globe to the Three Sisters Fruff. “Good; you found the Eye. You will keep it safe until we can meet again.” She mumbles something about a graveyard and a pearl then asks where she should meet them next. There is some conversation and the sisters suggest that if the ponies are going with Hurryup, the Three Sisters would be seeing the group soon. The sisters also remind Autumn that she can use the Eye in an emergency, and even suggest she try it in advance to get the hang of it. Autumn thanks them for the advice and leaves the Eye wrapped up in her saddle bag.

They arrive at a meadow at the top of a waterfall and Prow Lee explains that he chose this place so they can remember where they parked.

The graveyard of the Kelpies moves around a bit and the swamp is bad for the car. Jimmy locks Silk in the car as his leg is not healed enough for him to accompany them.

The graveyard is located in the Swamp of Pyrexia. They start walking… and walking… and walking. They eventually get to a sign that says, “Swamp of Pyrexia / Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here”. As soon as Prow Lee steps into the swamp, he morphs into a snake (not voluntarily). [He was cursed by the Queen of the Kelpies centuries ago.]

It is hotter as soon as they step into the swamp. Autumn and Aurora are attempting to make a stone path, à la Ludo in Labyrinth, so the walkers don’t have to squelch.

Joneigh just takes flight.

The rock bridge Autumn and Aurora raised are actually giant cragadiles. One cragadile tries to twist around to bite Autumn and she reacts with Reactive Shot. It barely misses her, getting just a couple tail hairs. Joneigh swoops down to rescue Autumn and they fly forward. Hurryup ninja vanishes and stealth attacks to try to eat the cragadile. Jimmy grabs the cragadile’s tail and throws him away from the group. Sunny attempts to jump on the cragadile’s snout, but because Jimmy grabbed it she is tossed ass over teakettle. Aurora gets a nasty physical shock by failing to notice a second cragodile behind her.

Since there is fighting happening, more cragadiles start swimming toward the group. Aurora is blasting the cragadile that is biting her but can’t deal with three monsters at once and takes a serious injury to her front leg; the third cragadile snaps, but only gets her tail. Hurryup has bitten the cragadile, which lets go of Aurora to concentrate on this novel threat. Another is heading toward Jimmy who is dealing with the one he grabbed by paying homage to the classic “Puny God” scene from Avengers. Joneigh makes a whirlwind to grab up all the cragadiles, which pulls everyone up!

Aurora attempts to lasso a tree and pull herself out of the wind. Sunny is shooting at a flying cragadile. The only cragadile that gets anyone is the one Hurryup is eating; it nips her. Autumn has Bone appear, Sunny shoots at another flying cragadile, Aurora invokes one of her new stunts casts Excellent Prismatic Spray at the one Hurryup is eating, and Jimmy keeps bamming.

The cragadiles are losing scales and bits of rock from their hides as they get shot or kicked. Just before the last of the cragadiles disappears into Hurryup’s mouth, Aurora’s attack hits and it is dead as it goes into her newly capacious gullet.

Jimmy finishes off the cragadile he has been beating senseless and it is now, essentially, a pile of broken rocks. Hurryup keeps chomping, Sunny is shooting that cragadile, Bone is trying to call the cragadiles back down, Aura is shooting at the cragadile that is still in the air – not being eaten just now.

Jimmy tries to attack the one that Aurora is targeting by jumping up into the whirlwind and hitting it. Another dies as it is being eaten, being hit by Aura’s blast and Jimmy’s jump-and-whack! But it bites him as he is stomping it into the mud.

Aura tries to climb out of her tree, and since it hurts she levitates her way down and across the bog to where the rest of the ponies are landing. The vultures whine about not getting pony for lunch and so one of them heads down toward Hurryup, as Hurryup encourages it – then she swallows it. The other vulture squawks and flies away.

They can hear off in the distance a song – a familiar melody by three voices. Hurryup says, “I bet that is where we need to go!”

Sunny helps bandage Aurora up, “You should stay off this for a while.”

Jimmy asks if Aura wants cragadile skin saddlebags, so Hurryup puts the corpses of the other two crags into her mane of holding.

The ponies head for the music. They come to a sign that says, “Gnarly Bone Club – Members Only”. Kronk pipes up, gives Aurora a membership card, and steps back into obscurity. Hurryup is sneaking forward, having borrowed Aurora’s card. She finds that the land gives way to water. There is a table in the middle of a pond with flamingos around it; there is a crab clearing away bowls and another that is pouring wine. The flamingos are chatting.

Four Flamingoes – Swamp of Pyrexia

EXTERIOR, SWAMP
[Four flamingos are standing around a table in a swamp. Two crabs serving as the busboy and waiter are clearing dishes from the table and pouring wine into their glasses. Nearby a trio of frogs are softly singing a familiar melody.]

FIRST FLAMINGO:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of bouillabaisse

SECOND FLAMINGO:
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?

THIRD FLAMINGO:
You’re right there, Obadiah

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
Who’d have thought thirty year ago we’d all be sittin’ here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh, Zakariah?

FIRST FLAMINGO:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o’ tea, isn’t that right, Ketziah?

SECOND FLAMINGO:
A cup o’ cold tea

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
Without milk or sugar

THIRD FLAMINGO:
Or tea

FIRST FLAMINGO:
In a cracked cup, an’ all

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up milkweed leaf!

SECOND FLAMINGO:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth

THIRD FLAMINGO:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor

FIRST FLAMINGO:
Because we were poor! My old Dad used to say to me, “Money doesn’t buy you happiness, son”

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
Aye, ’e was right

FIRST FLAMINGO:
Aye, ’e was

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
I was happier then and I had nothin’. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof

[As FOURTH FLAMINGO is talking, the FIRST FLAMINGO, who has been eyeing the crab busboy scurrying around the table, suddenly plunges his beak into the center of the crab’s shell, piercing it through. He lifts his neck and opens his bill, tearing the crab’s shell apart and dropping the crab on the table. He munches down on some of the crab’s innards while the FOURTH and SECOND FLAMINGO talk. As he is munching, the FOURTH FLAMINGO plunges his beak in and yanks out more of the busboy’s body to munch on. The crab’s legs flail wildly, indicating it is still alive while it is being eaten.]

SECOND FLAMINGO:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, ’alf the floor was missing, and we were all ’uddled together in one corner for fear of falling and only room to put one foot down each!

[HURRYUP ANN steps from folliage]

HURRYUP:
Excuse me, do any of you know how to get to the Kelpie Graveyard?

SECOND FLAMINGO:
Who invited the pony?

HURRYUP:
[Whips out the membership card]

FIRST FLAMINGO:
Oh! A member! Well that’s another story!

THIRD FLAMINGO:
Not like in the old days when we could keep riff-raff out of the club!

HURRYUP:
I’m a Diversity Member!

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
[Clicks his beak and calls out]
“Waiter! Bring another glass of wine!

[Waiter brings another wine glass and fills it, trying not to look at the still wriggling busboy.]

HURRYUP:
Now, about that Kelpie Graveyard…

THIRD FLAMINGO:
Do any of you remember where the Kelpie Graveyard moved last week?

SECOND FLAMINGO:
[Points mostly south] Yeah, is about a mile that way, south and a little bit west! Moved there yesterday.

THIRD FLAMINGO:
[Angrily] I know it moved yesterday, I was asking where it moved to last week! I was trying to give her false information!

SECOND FLAMINGO:
Oh! Right! I’m totally mistaken, you’re right!
[Swivels around to point due north] It’s not south of us, but rather north. Two, three miles north!

FIRST FLAMINGO:
[With heavy sarcasm] Definitely.

HURRYUP:
Thank you, kindly.

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
It’s quite a long ways north, lots of swamp and quicksand and the like. Difficult for a pony to cross, wouldn’t you say?

THIRD FLAMINGO:
Quicksand, oh I remember nights drifting off to sleep to the sounds of something struggling and screaming in the neighbor’s quicksand! Its death throes were like a lullaby.

FIRST FLAMINGO:
[looking around] Now where is that bus boy?

THIRD FLAMINGO:
You et the bus boy, remember? [Bobs his head in the direction of the torn open crab on the table, legs still wiggling]

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
Mighty tasty he is, too!

FIRST FLAMINGO:
[irritated] I know, I know! I meant a new one! Shouldn’t there be a new busboy?

SECOND FLAMINGO:
Right. [claps his bill together producing a loud clacking sound] Busboy! Busboy! New busboy!

ALL THE OTHER FLAMINGOS:
Busboy! New busboy!

[there is a sort of loud swooshing sound, and AURORA’s valet, KRONK, suddenly appears behind the SECOND FLAMINGO, complete with his drinks cart, looking very surprised.]

FOURTH FLAMINGO:
[cranes his head to look past the SECOND FLAMINGO] Ah, there he is, and look! It must be cocktail hour!

HURRYUP:
[sternly] Now, you really should not go stealing other ponies’ wait staff…

Aurora felt a a whoosh of magic and a strong pull just before Kronk appeared near the table.

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